朱自清《荷塘月色》的不同英文翻译版本
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发布时间：2022-04-21 10:14
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时间：2023-10-18 19:59
译文一 （朱纯深译）（原载1927年7月10日《小说月报》第18卷第7期）
Moonlight over the Lotus Pond
I have felt quite upset recently, Tonight, when I was sitting in the yard enjoying the cool, it occurred to me that the Lotus Pond, which I pass by everyday, must assume quite a different look in such moonlit night. A full moon was rising high in the sky; the laughter of children playing outside had died away; in the room, my wife was patting the son, Run-er, sleepily hum ming a cradle song. Shrugging on an overcoat, quietly, I made my way out, closing the door behind me.
Alongside the Lotus Pond runs a small cinder footpath. It is peaceful and secluded here, a place not frequented by pedestrians even in the daytime; now at night, it looks more solitary, in a lush, shady ambience of trees all around the pond. On the side where the path is, there are willows, interlaced with some oth ers whose names I do not know. The foliage, which, in a moon- less night, would loom somewhat frighteningly dark, looks very nice tonight,although the moonlight is not more than a thin, greyish veil.
I am on my own. strolling. hands behind my back. This bit of the universe seems in my possession now; and I myself seem to have been uplifted from my ordinary self into another world, I like a serene and peaceful life, as much as a busy and active one; I like being in solitude, as much as in company. As it is tonight, basking in a misty moonshine all by myself. I feel I am a free man, free to think of anything, or of nothing. All that one is obliged to do. or to say, in the daytime, can be very well cast a side now. That is the beauty of being alone. For the moment, just let me inlge in this profusion of moonlight and lotus fra- grance.
All over this winding stretch of water, what meets the eye is a silken field of leaves, reaching rather high above the surface. like the skirts ef dancing girls in all their grace. Here and there, layers of leaves are dotted with white lotus blossoms, some in demure bloom, others in shy bud, like scattering pearls, or twinlking stars, our beauties just out of the bath. A breeze stirs, sending over breaths of fragrance, like faint singing drift- ing from a distant building. At this moment, a tiny thrill shoots through the leaves and flowers, like a streak of lightning, straight across thc forest of lotuses. The leaves, which have been standing shoulder to shoulder, are caught trembling in an e merald heave of the pond. Underneath, the exquisite water is covered from view. and none can tell its colour; yet the leaves on top project themselves all the more attractively.
The moon sheds her liquid light silently over the leaves and flowers, which, in the floating transparency of a bluish haze from the pond, look as if they had just been bathed in milk, or like a dream wrapped in a gauzy hood. Although it is a full moon, shining through a film of clouds, the light is not at its brightest; it is, however, just right for me - a profound sleep is indispensable, yet a snatched doze also has a savour of its own. The moonlight is streaming down through the foliage, casting bushy shadows on the ground from high above, dark and check ered, like an army of ghosts; whereas the bengin figures of the drooping willows, here and there, look like paintings on the Io tus leaves. The moonlight is not spread evenly over the pond, but rather in a harmonious rhythm of light and shade, like a fa mous melody played on a violin.
Around the pond, far and near, high and Iow, are trees. Most of them are willows. Only on the path side can two or three gaps be seen through the heavy fringe, as if specially re served for the moon. The shadowy shapes of the leafage at first sight seem diffused into a mass of mist, against which, however, the charm of those willow trees is still discernible. Over the trees appear some distant mountains, but merely in sketchy sil- houette. Through the branches are also a couple of lamps, as listless as sleepy eyes. The most lively creatures here, for the moment, must be the cicadas in the trees and the frogs in the pond. But the liveliness is theirs, I have nothing.
Suddenly, something like lotus-gathering crosses my mind. It used to be celebrated as a folk festival in the South, probably
dating very far back in history, most popular in the period of Six Dynasties. We can pick up some outlines of this activity in the poetry, It was young girls who went gathering lotuses, in sam- pans and singing love songs. Needless to say, there were a great number of them doing the gathering, apart from those who were watching. It was a lively season, brimming with vitality, and ro- mance. A brilliant description can be found in Lotus Gathenng written by the Yuan Emperor of the Liang Dynasty:
So those charming youngsters row their sampans, heart buoyant with tacit love, pass to eath other cups oJ wine while their bird- shaped prows dtift around. From time to time their oars are caught in dangling algae, and ckweed float apart the moment their boats are about to move on. Their slender figures, girdled with plain silk, tread watchfully on board. This is the time when spring is growing into summer, the leaves a tender green and the flowers blooming,- among which the girls are giggling when evading an outreaching stem. their shirts tucked in for fear that the sampan might tilt.
That is a glimpse of those merrymaking scenes. It must have been fascinating; but unfortunately we have long been de nied such a delight.
Then I recall those lines in Ballad of Xizhou Island:
Gathering the lotus, I am in the South Pond, /The lilies, in autumn,, reach over my head; /Lowering my head I toy with the lotus seed, /look, they are as fresh as the water umderneath.
If there were somebody gathering lotuses tonight, she could tell that the lilies here are high enough to reach over her head; but, one would certainly miss the sight of the water. So my memories drift back to the South after all.
Deep in my thoughts, I looked up, just to find myself at the door of my own house. Gently I pushed the door open and walked in. Not a sound inside, my wife had been asleep for quite a while. Qinghua Campus, Beiiing
July, 1927
朱自清：荷塘月色(The Lotus Pool By Moonlight)
译文二：译者不详
The last few days have found me very restless. This evening as I sat in the yard to enjoy the cool, it struck me how different the lotus pool I pass every day must look under a full moon. The moon was sailing higher and higher up the heavens, the sound of childish laughter had died away from the lane beyond our wall, and my wife was in the house patting Juner and humming a lullaby to him. I quietly slipped on a long gown, and walked out leaving the door on the latch.
A cinder - path winds along by the side of the pool. It is off the beaten track and few pass this way even by day, so at night it is still more quiet. Trees grow thick and bosky all around the pool, with willows and other trees I cannot name by the path. On nights when there is no moon the track is almost terrifyingly dark, but tonight it was quite clear, though the moonlight was pale.
Strolling alone down the path, hands behind my back, I felt as if the whole earth and sky were mine and I had stepped outside my usual self into another world. I like both excitement and stillness, under the full moon, I could think of whatever I pleased or of nothing at all, and that gave me a sense of freedom. All daytime ties could be disregarded. That was the advantage of solitude: I could savour to the full that expanse of fragrant lotus and the moonlight.
As far as eye could see, the pool with its winding margin was covered with trim leaves, which rose high out of the water like the flared skirts of dancing girls. And starring these tiers of leaves were white lotus flowers, alluringly open or bashfully in bud, like glimmering pearls, stars in an azure sky, or beauties fresh from the bath. The breeze carried past gusts of fragrance, like the strains of a song faintly heard from a far-off tower. And leaves and blossoms trembled slightly, while in a flash the scent was carried away. As the closely serried leaves bent, a tide of opaque emerald could be glimpsed. That was the softly running water beneath, hidden from sight, its colour invisible, though the leaves looked more graceful than ever.
Moonlight cascaded like water over the lotus leaves and flowers, and a light blue mist floating up from the pool made them seem washed in milk or caught in a gauzy dream. Though the moon was full, a film of pale clouds in the sky would not allow its rays to shine through brightly; but I felt this was all to the good - though refreshing sleep is indispensable, short naps have a charm all their own. As the moon shone from behind them, the dense trees on the hills threw checkered shadows, dark forms loomed like devils, and the sparse, graceful shadows of willows seemed painted on the lotus leaves. The moonlight on the pool was not uniform, but light and shadow made up a harmonious rhythm like a beautiful tune played on a violin.
Far and near, high and low around the pool were trees, most of them willows. These trees had the pool entirely hemmed in, the only small clearings left being those by the path, apparently intended for the moon. All the trees were somber as dense smoke, but among them you could make out the luxuriant willows, while faintly above the tree-tops loomed distant hills - their general outline only. And between the trees appeared one or two street lamps, listless as the eyes of someone drowsy. The liveliest sounds at this hour were the cicadas chirruping on the trees and the frogs croaking in the pool; but this animation was theirs alone, I had no part in it.
Then lotus-gathering flashed into my mind. This was an old custom south of the Yangtse, which apparently originated very early and was most popular in the period of the Six Kingdoms,* as we see from the songs of the time. The lotus were picked by girls in small boats, who sang haunting songs as they padded. They turned out in force, we may be sure, and there were spectators too, for that was a cheerful festival and a romantic one. We have a good account of it in a poem by Emperor Yuan of the Liang dynasty called Lotus Gatherers:
Deft boys and pretty girls
Reach an understanding while boating;
Their prows veer slowly,
But the winecups pass quickly;
Their oars are entangled,
As they cut through the ckweed,
And girls with slender waists
Turn to gaze behind them.
Now spring and summer meet,
Leaves are tender, flowers fresh;
With smiles they protect their silks,
Drawing in their skirts, afraid lest the boat upset.
There we have a picture of these merry excursions. this must have been a delightful event, and it is a great pity we cannot enjoy it today.
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时间：2023-10-18 19:59
2.3.2 四个英译本的介绍
第一个译本是由朱春申翻译，他传达了原文的审美观念，并在《荷塘月色》的译本中选用了最合适的词语。第二个译本是著名的译者王淑升翻译的，第三个译本是由杨宪益和他的妻子戴乃迭翻译的。他们的翻译体现出：译出语言要忠实于译入语言的深层意义以及原文的文化：译出语言可有些许洋味，他们的审美思想在《荷塘月色》中很好地体现出来了。第四个译本是李明在2005年翻译的。因此在这个译本中，有很多新思想和新方法。
3 讨论
3.1 语音
3.1.1 韵律
汉语是一种带声调的语言，英语是一种带重音的语言，散文的韵律相当重要。对于英译本来说，展现汉语译本的韵律是一种很大的挑战。
C：“像闪电般。”
E1：“like streak of lightness.”
E2：“with the suddenness of lightness.”
E3：“in a flash.”
E4：“like a streak of lightness”
在汉语译本中，四个汉字会加快韵律。读者能看到并感受到其震颤，正如汉字译本中的韵律一样，在E1里也有四个重音节。翻译能给读者视觉和感觉上的强烈感觉。在E2中，作者将四个音节挑战到九个，这使得句子速度变得更加的慢。E4的韵律几乎和E1相同，E3的韵律比其他三个快。
3.2 词汇
3.2.1 重叠词
在汉语译本中，叠音词展现了声音与意义的美感。在英译本中，译者使用形容词或副词而不用叠音词。
叠音词是汉语中一种普通的语言现象。它使语言更加生动形象。它的作用是强调情感，加重韵律。在英语中很少有叠词。它的大部分是拟人化，如bubble-bubble。在汉译本中有27对叠音词。其中十对在第四段。他们可描述睡莲的状态、颜色、芳香、叶子和水。但在英译本中，译者将叠音词都改成了普通词。例如，汉译本中的“亭亭”传达了跳舞女孩苗条的身材。“星星”描述了满天星的美丽。英译本没能翻译出作者对睡莲的爱与文章的美丽。这是由于不同的语言特点导致的。
3.3 修辞
“隐喻或明喻可以使话语变得美不胜收，它可以深化作品的主题和宗旨”(GWTurner， 1973：133)。在这里，把第四段作为例子来进行分析。在作品的翻译中，修辞的运用可以产生积极的效果。
3.3.1 明喻及通感
C：“微风过去送来缕缕清香， 仿佛远处高楼上渺茫的歌声似的。”
E1：“A breeze stirs，sending over breaths of fragrance，like faint singing drifting from a distant building.”
E2：“Their subtle fragrance wafted by the passing breeze，in whiffs airy as he notes of a song coming faintly from some distant tower.”
E3：“The breeze carried past gusts of fragrance，like the strains of a song faintly heard from a far-off tower.”
E4：“When a breeze passes，it wafts breaths of fragrance，which are like faint singing drifting from a far-away building.”
中文版的尝试使用通感来用缕缕清香比喻渺茫的歌声，使得人们在文字中感觉得到池塘的美丽。所有四个英文版本均采用了明喻以取代通感。他们通过嗅觉和听觉来表达基本的效果。选择不同结构的句子和不同的词语都会使翻译程度不同。E1翻译得很好，它使读者感到莲花的动态美。“drifting from a distant”还运用了头韵的修辞手法。E2翻译的不太理想。翻译的过长、甚至降低了通感的程度。E3翻译的词语过于简单，如“carried”和“heard”也过于肤浅。总体来说，E4的翻译是最好的。
3.3.2 暗喻
暗喻源于希腊。在暗喻里如“like”和“as”这些明显的词语是不可能找到的。在中文版里，“叶子本是肩并肩密密地挨着……”显示了叶子的静态。他们无法像人类和动物一样站立。第二句并没有翻译这句话，它会影响到文章总体的感觉。第三句使用了词语“serried”来表明叶子密切的程度。这个词是相当忠实于中文版的。但“bent”却不在情景之中。在第四句中，“Jostling and overlapping”夸大了原文的含义。第一句的翻译总体上是最恰当的。虽然这些话不是很华丽，却表达了作者的意愿。
4 总结
从文体分析角度来说，由朱纯深翻译的译本是最忠于中文原文的。选词几乎都很正确。它使用了许多翻译技巧、句子结构和修辞。他的翻译再现了中文原文的文体并体现了原文的音美和意境美。第二个由王淑升翻译的译本就有些欠缺、尤其是在结构上。在他的译本中，第三自然段和第七自然段被删除了。这样使得文章结构和意义都变得不完整。第七自然段是关于采莲的情景。《采莲赋》在中文原文中是一首非常重要的诗。由杨宪益和戴乃迭翻译的第三个译本结合了中西方文化，译者再现散文的神和美、尤其是容易被散文忽略的细节。这表现了译者对原文恰到好处的理解力。在译文中有一些洋味，比如正式语、非正式语以及一些古英语。在某种程度上它减少了散文的中国味。由李明翻译的第四个译本中是最新的。因此，在这个译本中有其他三个译本的影子。其中的一些词语用的和其他三个译本一样。参考他人的长处是一个很好的习惯，但如果不能恰当地使用，译者很容易丢失自己的翻译风格。
参考文献：
[1]刘世生，朱瑞青. Patterns in language： Stylistics for students of language and literature[M].北京：北京大学出版社，2000.
[2]Turner. G.W.(1973). Stylistics. Great Britain：Penguin Book
[3]冯庆华.文体翻译论[M].上海：上海外语教育出版社，2002.
[4]朱纯深.翻译探微：语言、文本、诗学(最新增订本)[M].南京：凤凰出版传媒集团，译林出版社，2008.
参考资料：http://www.chinaqking.com/%D4%AD%B4%B4%D7%F7%C6%B7/2010/66697.html
